I Can't Remember...

T.G.I.F.

2007-08-03T11:18:00.000-05:00

It is a beautiful Friday!! It is a tad bit warm outside, but beautiful nonetheless! I have found out that a great and rather handsome friend of mine is moving away to the great state of Texas. To the ladies of the Lone Star state, watch out! There's a good one coming your way! He is going to have an amazing job and I know that he'll be great at it. He is no longer my strange guy friend...he's a working man now...I am so happy for him! Way to go working guy! Houston is lucky to have you, but Mississippi will be a tad bit more lonely without you. Good Luck!

It's a funny thing, turning into a grown up. This is definitely a path that I thought I'd never find myself on. I used to be so excited about turning into a grown up, because I'd have no responsibilities and I could sit around and watch soap operas and fold the laundry all day. YEAH RIGHT! First of all, I hate soap operas. And I guess there is no second of all, I just hate soap operas.

I'm sitting at work right now. I don't think that I've said much about this job since I started making posts. I'm doing secretarial work for an accounting firm. But, this job is not the reason I moved to this town. I moved here to work at a Presbyterian church, helping out the Youth Pastor and hanging out with Jr. High and High School kids. They are awesome and have made my summer turn out to be the best one yet. Anyway, I'm sitting at work and my desk is right inside the front door. (I'm pretty sure I'm the only one with a window in this building and its rather large.) So, I get to greet people when they come in and answer their different questions...generally its a question followed by me saying "I don't know" and then I call my lovely friend Crystal up here to take care of the problem for me...I'm so lucky to have her.

Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that your zodiac year is represented by a certain animal? I spoke with Delightful on the phone several times today and we talked about the fact that we are both oxen, according to our zodiac year. She read to me the description of the typical "ox":
The Year of the Ox
"People born in the Year of the Ox are patient, speak little, and inspire confidence in others. They tend, however, to be eccentric, and bigoted, and they anger easily. They have fierce tempers and although they speak little, when they do they are quite eloquent. Ox people are mentally and physically alert. Generally easy-going, they can be remarkably stubborn, and they hate to fail or be opposed. They are most compatible with Snake, Rooster, and Rat people."
Did this author just throw down some random characteristics and hope really hard that they were somewhat accurate about some "ox" out there? Its just weird. But, I have to admit that saying The Year of the Ox out loud is really funny.

Ok, I now get to go hang out with my sweet family and have an incredible Friday night. I hope everyone's Friday was as funny as mine.

"You do what you are."

2007-08-01T15:35:00.000-05:00

I watched "Along Came a Spider" this last weekend for the first time and in this movie, Morgan Freeman says this awesome line..."You do what you are." UNBELIEVABLE!! To me, it really makes so much more sense than saying"You are what you do". When you turn it around to mean that you eventually let your chosen profession identify who you are, an alarm inside your head SHOULD be going off. That is not the way God created our minds to think. God created me, for example, to be a teacher. For those of you who know me personally, this is what I have to say about that..."Really?"

Now I've been in college for 4 years already and I have set my mind on being a teacher. However, I have felt very uneasy about it lately (as in the last 6 mths). I know that there was a time when I couldn't see myself as anything but a teacher, but I can't help but think "Is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?" I want to have a family of my own one day, so why spend day in and day out with other people's kids?

Well after a couple months of living in the Mississippi Delta and hanging around some incredible parents, some who have young kids and some who are about to or already are facing "empty nest syndrome", I have become inspired once again to educate kids in order to make God look absolutely glorious. After all, He's the one that provided me with the tools to teach and since I am supposed to do what I am, I'm certain that I will be an educator (to other children and to my own children) for the rest of my life. Of all of the amazing things that I've learned this summer, one great thing is that I will never stop learning and I will never stop teaching.

I do not know where and I do not know when (for certain) but whenever and wherever I teach, I want it to be all for His glory and not for my own.

Amen...thanks Matt.

I have to talk about a new passion...

2007-07-28T15:35:00.000-05:00

When I was very young, I remember owning a rather large collection of books (Little Critter, Sweet Pickle A-Z series, Berenstein Bears, Amelia Bedelia, etc...comment if you know what I'm talking about) I just loved picture books. However, in about 4th grade, we were told to complete our first book report and bring an artifact to go along with the report(I have no idea what I did it on, but I do remember building a shoebox model depicting a scene in the story...something about Indians) Anyway, from that point on, one book read was one too many. I kept sparknotes.com in business throughout Jr. High and High School. I got by without reading one, single summer reading book. Even through some of college, whenever I knew my grade did not seriously depend on it, I would slide by without sitting down for hours to read some boring poem or epic or whatever. I'm not recommending this as a great idea...at all...you need to READ in college!!

It was not until about 2 months ago that I was seriously motivated to pick up a great book and go through it. The book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers totally began to pump my blood for reading. That book is fabulous if you have never read it. Also, through some major motivation on the part of my boss, a youth pastor, who has given me quite a few books since I've met him, I have been able to dive further into reading! At this very second, the book "The Measure of a Lady" by Deeanne Gist is sitting in my lap. I have just pushed through about 100 pages today. It's a great book. This book is the second in its series. I skipped over the first book, because I don't own it yet and when I finish this one in a few days, I'll move on to "Courting Trouble". All of these books that I'm reading have a common theme: A sinner in need for a Savior.

Thanks to all of my friends, such as Delightful, from my previous post, and the strange guy who calls me Sweet Lamb for encouraging me to read!

Delightful, I miss you! I'm ready to reunite in the capital city!
Strange guy, I hope you are having a great time in Georgia! Come home safe and I can't wait to read some more stories about Old Man. Seriously, some of the funniest stories I've ever read! Thanks for being awesome...See you in a few weeks.

My Inspiration...

2007-07-26T08:38:00.000-05:00

According to the "About Me" section on my Facebook profile, *Delightful (name changed for privacy) is my inspiration. Many of you might be asking "Well who the heck is Delightful?". That is a great question with an even better answer. Delightful is my former college roomate. We lived together for a year and a half, making this span of time the longest with any one roomate, for us both. I have decided to write a little about the relationship that Delightful and I have, because it has influenced my dedication and passion for my faith. One thing you must know about Delightful is that she has the most amazing, servant's heart. After a two year friendship or so, I can definitely consider myself blessed to have a close friendship with her. I think I've said it before, but I will say it again with assurance and for everyone to read: Delightful taught me how to love Jesus as an adult with a child-like heart. How do you ever say "Thank You" to someone who did that for you? God has put my heart at ease about answering that question. I'm called to love her. She is not only my best friend, but she is my Sister in Christ. No earthly friendship can beat that. I hope you all have someone like that in your life, too.

Delightful and I spent a lot of our "roomie time" talking and laughing a lot. And when I say laughing a lot, that is an understatement. We were with each other for our 21st and 22nd birthdays...which were only 9 days apart (I'm the oldest, but did not assume the role...EVER.) While living with Delightful, I was a hermit crab through and through. A complete, 100%, no mistake about it introvert. Delightful was encouraging me all the time to come hang out with friends, go watch movies, go bowling, go see a movie...anything! Over and over I would come up with excuses. Instead, I chose to work on school projects, watch movies for free at home, and do some serious homework. Your guess is as good as mine...I have no idea why I decided to waste precious time in college and hang out alone.

Distractions such as boys really got in the way of me opening my heart to my college friends. On too many occassions, I put my friends on the back burner for some guy who wound up having no significant role in my life at all.

While I'm sitting here typing, I keep shrugging my shoulders, shaking my head, and rolling my eyes. I think it would be accurate to refer to college as my "Realization Phase". Like many other phases in our lives, I figured this phase too, will be grown out of, but hopefully learned from. Like a broken record, I asked myself "What did I learn from this?" Whether it be a boy breaking my heart, me doing the heart breaking, or whatever...I asked myself that question "What did I learn from this? How can I grow?" Needless to say, I am done with college, but have not grown out of my "Realization Phase" yet. I am soaking up the world that I'm in. Learning all that I can. I have begun to wonder whether or not this phase has an ending or if it is supposed to stay in motion. I mean, I figure that I'm never called to stop learning and realizing the products of my actions.

These are the things that I remember now and I pray that God protects these memories. I think He plans on it, because He was the connector between Delightful and myself.

A somewhat beginning...

2007-07-25T15:58:00.000-05:00

I figured I would get on board this blog train that has become so popular. Here is my hopeful attempt at complete honesty with the world (or whoever reads this) and with myself...Here we go...

About three years ago, I decided that my life was going in a fatal direction. I would sit back and think, "What am I missing? Why can't I do this right?" I was blessed with a certain "vessel" and found that my happiness did not lie within guys and alcohol and stuff, but it was ONLY with Christ . I tell you that first, because it is the foundation for my future blog posts. That one fact about me will explain a lot of the stories and experiences that I have decided to share.

Last night, in another late night talk, I was reminded of who I used to be. Throughout a two hour conversation between my brother and his wife, I had accumulated hundreds of shadows that are left of lost memories. Over the past fifteen years, I have very little memory of my life. This may be normal for some, but it bothers me only because I want to know what has drawn me into the current position I'm now in. Through very personal events in my life over the past six or seven years, my mind has been drained. All that is left are bits and pieces of a "somewhat, possible, questionable, confusing" memory. Certain memories of my brothers are more vivid than others. Fighting, laughing, misbehaving. The memory I have of my mom is her reading the books "Goodnight Moon" or "The Littlest Angel" to me, until I fell asleep. I can not give one, clear memory of my Dad before I was 10 yrs old. (Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was terrific, he just worked a lot to provide for his wife and three kids) Those memories are all I have of the first eight or so years of my life. After that, my memory bank is completely cashed out. Darkness is all I see. Fights, a lot of crying, and too many lies have covered over the happy times like a blanket. I got nothin!

Don't pull out the smallest violin or even begin to plan my pity party, because self-pity has not consumed my entire soul. Over the past three years, I have heard numerous stories about this younger version of myself that I seriously can not remember. That is scary to me! Who was I six years ago? I mean, six years is not a very long time. I never fell and hit my head and got diagnosed with amnesia. I just don't remember. Now that my faith is seriously involved in my life and God is playing the driver, instead of me, I am praying that He will begin to maybe show me how my past has effected my present.

That's all for now...Keep me in your prayers and I'll update later.